The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
