oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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