The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
