Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
