apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
