There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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