Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
