I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just invented taco cereal.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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