UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
