So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
