I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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