You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
