I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
