Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I FOUND THE LEGS
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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