TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
