I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
