Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
They took my balls.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
