Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
