3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
