true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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