I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I didn't shave. On purpose
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
