i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
