I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
