Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
