if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
