I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
