There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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