good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Randomize
