I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
