Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
