Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
