Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
