I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
