four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
