i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
