you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
