Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
