The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
