is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
