i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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