I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
