Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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