I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
