ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
