You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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