Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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