Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
