For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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