It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
