rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
