This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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