Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
