Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
