dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
